Monday, March 19, 2007

My Affliction

I must have an affliction of some type. Okay, so most of ya may already know that. I’m just learning. I Know, it’s a bit of clumsiness. Lately it’s been associated with not listening to my own advice and stepping in water. Bad .. huh?

Yeah, there I was the other night at one of those fancy hotels in Dongguan with a gaggle of customers. In this case, it was eight French guests. I explained repeatedly when we went into the bar for drinks after dinner to “Be careful of the water ponds around the perimeter.” But did I listen to my own advice. No!

You see, I ordered and quickly went to the washroom before rushing back to assist my guests with getting their orders correct from the waitress that knew little to no English. As I rushed to get into my seat………… SPLASH. More precisely, I went around a chair to get to the large round sofa where my group had congregated. And I stepped right into a corner of the pond exposed beside the chair.

Now I don’t know who the designer is for all these hotels is, but why would you use a pond in the design of a dimly lit bar? There surrounding the whole of the bar is a rock pond. My guests said they even saw some fish in it. But to make matters worse, the sofa and sitting areas were raised on platforms of glass to expose the water. Really looked likes the sofa floats on the water. Cool huh? NOT IF YOU STEP IN THE WATER!

It’s bad enough to try to see where the raised platform starts, but then to make it out of glass, it really messes up your perception. Mine sure was.

So here I was, trying to be the good host and came around the outside of the chair to get to my seat. As I raised my foot for the platform, I stepped around the chair up to what I thought was the glass. But no, the designer had curved the glass around the sofa so that the pond extended here to a point. You couldn’t tell where the glass started and the pond started, without close examination, and better lighting!!

You ever have one of those sloooooooooow mooooooooooooootion experiences? You know, one where everything you’re doing seems to slow down and you see every detail every so precisely, but you don’t seem to have any influence on what is happening? It was one of those for me. Right foot round to the platform, step and oh no… …… stop…… stop……. Stop……. I could see everything too. It was as if I rounded to step on the glass platform, and my mind registered: there’s NO platform here! STOP!! STOP!! No way… Toooooooooo lateeeeeeeee…….. What is the physics of it? Try to stop a force of 200 pounds moving forward with speed? Nothing gonna stop this. Foot is going in. SPLASH!!!!

Next action….. get out quick. Out quick! Out quick! LOOK OUT French! I’m piling in to the nearest chair! Man, it was deeper than I expected too.

Okay, I didn’t get too wet. Just up above my ankles. I wasn’t in very long. I didn’t know the French laughed so much. Did you know they have a hard time stopping the giggles when they get started? Ever notice that little snicker. Just wonder what they were saying to each other in French.

Actually they were pretty cordial. And the waitress was typically useless. Ran over with some poor excuse for towels to dry my feet. ………… She was snickering too!!

Of course, she was better than the last waitress when this happened once before. I know, you’re thinking: “It happened before?” Yep. Another hotel. Same story. Could have been a rerun. But I do think it is my affliction to find and step into poorly designed water pools at hotels.

They are all over Asia like this. In Bangkok the new airport Novotel had to put up barriers around the stream they designed into the middle of the lobby. When I arrived there the first time, they had warning signs at the front door. By the second visit the barriers, just simple bank teller stanchions and tape, were in place. I guess, there were too many kids playing in the water and guests stepping in.

But back to my other episode: it was at another Dongguan hotel. I had just explained to a vendor to watch his step in the buffet area. When SPLASH, in I went! ……. It must be my shoes are attracted to water! At least, I’ve balanced the washings.

On this occasion, a waitress came running around with paper towels, and slippers. No apologies. No free food. Just some size 5 slippers. Why do they always want to give me kids’ slippers in Asia. I wear size 12! If I’m lucky they are wide enough to cover my toes. They are not gonna come close to going on my feet!

Designers of Asia hotels sure have this thing about water ponds. They look nice, but they are incredibly open and hazardous. Whereas, nothing would ever be designed like this in the US, here maybe they have a lip. And if they do have a lip, that usually just makes them more of a big rock tripping hazard. And glass sections over some, but not all the ponds. In a bar? It’s no wonder this bar didn’t have much business. Too many drunks probably ended up taking a bath in the pond!

posted by A Bryson (formerly) in China @ 6:28 PM Comments: 0